the f word

Kelly 1/19
Ok so this is not about THAT f word but another f word that I will introduce with a story. *ahem*
The other day I made a quiche. Not just any quiche, but MY quiche. I just decided, randomly in the store, that I wanted to make a quiche. So I bought a bunch of random stuff, looked at 10 or 11 recipies and then made up my own. I was excited, and happy and really pleased with this adventure. But then I put it in the oven. It started to spill, and it took FOREVER to cook. The whole time I started to freak out. My "happy experiment" quiche had become the "OH MY GOD WHAT IF IT TASTES NASTY AND I HAVE JUST WASTED ALL THIS FOOD?!??!!?" quiche. I had already deemed it to a failure, and appropriately was feeling badly.

And THAT is the f word I meant. Failure. I found it defined in seven ways:
1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success.
2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.
3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency
4. deterioration or decay, esp. of vigor, strength, etc.
5. a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.
6. a becoming insolvent or bankrupt
7. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful

Now looking at these definitions, it make sense why people fear failure. It is something to be avoided at all costs. It is shameful and irreversible. However, none of these definitions explain what failure actually dose.

Failing, in a way is inevitable. You will fail at something, perhaps even several times. So why avoid it? When done correctly, failure teaches us things, and helps us identify and avoid mistakes. Not to mention that mistakes can sometimes be fun and open you to new possibilities.

So yes, one should not wallow or seek out failure; but nor should we fear it as much as we do. I mean really what happened to the Miss. Frizzel motto?
"Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!"

Julia 01/24

Talk about weighty issues! It took me a while to sort out my thoughts on this one, particularly because failure and I got to be pretty good acquaintances during the four months I was looking for a job. Failing is depressing. It becomes easy to believe that you have never succeeded at anything, that you never will succeed at anything and should just give up as soon as possible.

I'm, of course, talking about the failure called rejection in this case. It doesn't really matter where you are in life, the possibility of rejection is always around the corner. Prospective employers reject us, friends and family reject us, love interests reject us. Or they might. It's that distinct likelihood that often keeps people from trying.

Because, let's face it, if you fail by yourself while no one's looking or depending on you, it's not so bad. I might fail to dust my furniture or learn how to play the guitar and, while those are personal failures, I don't see them as being nearly so bad as failing to get into graduate school or get a decent job. Because (1) there are people rejecting me and (2) there are people watching me get rejected.

I think, too, that because we live in a society that measures so much by personal success, we really leave ourselves open to the anxiety that we will fail. And in part, I do mean material success. If you're not aspiring to the American Dream, well, a lot of Americans might say you're kind of a loser. I think it's sufficient to take care of yourself and your family and hopefully find some personal fulfillment, but every family and community has different expectations. And those expectations scare the hell out of us.

Which comes back to people. We hate to have others see us fail. It's a little humiliating, even if those people love you no matter what. It might be worse, in fact, to fail in front of the people who matter most because you know they empathize with you more.

So, how do you deal with failure? One way is by changing the definition of success. When I was applying for jobs, I concentrated not on the response I got but the quantity and quality of my applications. I want to apply well and apply often, so I did, and the more I applied, the better I got at it. I actually applied for three different jobs with MPP and guess what? None of them are the position I hold now. I decided the only way I could really fail was by giving up or undermining my own beliefs (by applying to places I didn't consider ethical). And, not to be corny, but I learned a tremendous lot about myself during those four months.

Because the truth is...you never know what you're capable of if you succeed constantly with few obstacles. The true measure of your ability is how you deal with the prospect of failure and failure itself.

Or simply to agree with Ms. Frizzle, get a little messy.